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Even though many marriages end in divorce, it is shocking and disorienting when it happens to us. Divorce is a life-changing event whether we want it to happen or not. Slowing down to get in touch with our emotions, even when they feel messy and raw, helps us find a new sense of normal.
Finding the tools to cope with difficult emotions is key to processing what’s happening, visiting with the uncomfortableness, and finding that the ability to move forward is present within us.
Grief doesn’t just express itself in one emotion. We often hear of the stages of grief. Some feelings you may experience in your grief are emptiness, anger, denial, and depression. Even in asking for a divorce and knowing it is the next step, grief is a normal part of the emotional impact.
Grief is an emotion that evokes a thought of mountains. Some mountains, like the Rockies, are jagged and harsh, jutting up to the sky and demanding attention. While other mountains, like the Blue Ridge, are rolling and gentler, even though they’re present. Grief does become less sharp over time, and the jagged edges aren’t as piercing.
Fighting grief prolongs the process and can lead to more harmful ways of tamping down emotions, such as binge drinking, compulsive shopping, or becoming emotionally abusive to others and ourselves.
Find someone willing to listen compassionately, whether a friend or a counselor. Support groups highlight that other people are on the same path and you are not alone. Join a group with the same interests as you to keep your mind stimulated to prevent rumination.
It’s easy to beat yourself up for not getting everything done, navigating the new process with uncertainty, and failing to maintain normal operations. Eventually, you’ll make it back, but until then, create a kindness list as a reminder of things that must get done and allow the other to-do’s to take a back seat. On that list, scheduling time for yourself is a priority.
Treat yourself like a friend. Set aside 15 minutes to enjoy taking part in activities that bring you comfort, such as:
As the days progress, you may discover more unscheduled time or space in your home that once was filled. Instead of viewing the emptiness as a loss, see it as a potential to add something new. You may have always wanted a space in your home as your own, so claim what’s in front of you and examine the possibilities.
If you lean toward sentimentality, put things away that evoke an emotional rawness. Constant reminders of a major life change often bring us back to the loss. After some time, look at them again and feel your reaction. You may decide it’s best to let go to begin fostering new memories and more positive emotions.
You may be filling roles in your home that were once filled by your partner, and you are unsure of where to begin. Finding trustworthy sources that can offer direction in shaping your future will give you a sense of direction and control. Discover your most valuable resources by developing connections with a team focused on optimal resolution and solutions, like a Scottsdale family law attorney at the Law Office of Karen A. Schoenau.
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